Bengals Loss Unacceptable
by
Phil McKrackin
Well its official. Its the end of
an era. The Cincinnati Bengals announced today that they would
part ways with head coach Mike Ditka. When asked to comment
on the matter, team owner Kyle Edele replied, "Today begins a new
chapter in the life of the Bengals. While we will no longer
be operating with Ditka at the helm, we are confident in the direction
we are choosing to go. Ditka was great and helped build this
team to where it is today from our early years in the league.
He got us through our growing pains. Lets face it, Ditka is
God."
So that does it, and with all the big named coaches out there,
who would you expect the Bengals to bring on board? Perhaps
ex syracuse great and hall of famer, Jim
Brown? Or how about a heavily tempered
coach from Watkins Glen, NY. Bob Lee? The options were plentiful.
However the Bengals after very little deliberation, didnt have to
look very far, for who would take them to the promised land.
"Sometimes the best things in life are in your own back yard" stated
Edele. Thats right, you guessed it. The Bengals have announced
that Jim Kleinsasser will assume head coaching duties along with relegating
himself to 3rd string offense and maybe a little bit of special teams
play. "We believe as an organization what Jim brings to the
table, along with a 6 pack he brings to every table, far surpasses
anything Ditka could have done for us at this time. Its just
the right thing to do."
Jim Kleinsasser, on the announcement: "I believe
this is an incredible opportunity for me to really prove what im capable
of. You know, the X's and O's side of the ball i need to show
what im made of. Also ya never know i may pop one or two in
on the goal line, while im very generous with my PBR, im very greedy
with 1 yard TD runs. Ive got some incredible ideas about getting
back to what we are good at. And that is power football.
We like to hit you right in the nose, and i believe that is something
we lost this year. It was shown when we got our asses handed
to us when they circled the wagons up there in Orchard Park. That
loss was unacceptable...Man can they tailgate at that place.
I had my usual pre game, and i played great, heart of a champion, &!*$
like a burmese python, the mind of a god damn scientist. Thats
when i let the Bengals know i was the way to go. So look for
us to make some noise in the offseason. but that can wait.
For now, ive got 6 pack of pbr's and im gonna celebrate my raise."
The
amount of the contract has not been disclosed, but when asked, the
new face of the Bengals franchise replied, "All i know is i can afford
enough copenhagen for a dang army...oh and for the record. I
did hook up with Tom Bradys wife before the power bowl last year.
It was all that, and a pbr."
Well folks. We'll keep ya posted
on the offseason. Peace be with you.
